The mask we wear!

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I wrote the first version of this in 2023. Three years later, I found it sitting in my drafts.

I still recognise the woman who wrote it. I still believe in much of what she was trying to say. But today, I understand the mask a little differently.

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Look at me!

Do you like what you see?

Do you think I am pretty?

Do I look perfect?

Do I look happy?

Do I look interesting?

Wait!

Stop!

Don’t answer that!

The questions aren’t for you to answer, they are some of the mask I wear.

Look at me. Do you like what you see?

Maybe I showed you the version of myself I wanted you to like.

Look at me. Do you think I am pretty?

Maybe I was feeling unappreciated and wanted, just for a moment, to feel admired.

Look at me. Do I look perfect?

Maybe I felt judged, so I carefully presented the parts of myself I thought would be accepted.

Look at me. Do I look happy?

Maybe I woke up carrying a sadness I didn't want to explain, so I smiled and continued with my day.

Look at me. Do I look interesting?

Maybe I was lonely and wanted to feel seen.

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When I wrote those words in 2023, I thought about masks as things we consciously put on to help us navigate life.

And sometimes they are.

But I understand them differently now.

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We All Wear Masks. There is the professional mask. The I know what I'm doing mask. The everything is fine mask. The confident mask. The capable mask. The I can handle it mask. The don't worry about me mask.

Sometimes we know we're wearing them. Sometimes we have worn them for so long that we don't even realise they are there. And sometimes, the mask isn't necessarily a bad thing. That is perhaps the part I understand better now.

Some Masks Are Chosen. Others Are Learned.

Sometimes we do feel that we need the mask.

We learn what gets accepted and what gets criticised.

We learn which emotions make other people uncomfortable, which version of ourselves receives approval.

And slowly, sometimes without even noticing, we adapt.

We become the strong one, the dependable one, the easy going one, the successful one, the funny one, the person who never needs anything, the person who is always okay.

Sometimes those roles genuinely reflect parts of who we are but sometimes they become costumes we are frightened to remove.

When the Mask Becomes Heavy

A mask may help us navigate a moment.

But what happens when the moment becomes our entire life?

What happens when everyone believes you are okay because you have become exceptionally good at looking okay?

What happens when you are struggling but can't ask for help because you have built an identity around being the person who always copes?

What happens when maintaining the appearance of happiness becomes more exhausting than acknowledging that you are unhappy?

Or when perfection becomes the price you believe you have to pay for acceptance?

That is when the mask can become heavy.

Not because having different versions of ourselves is inherently unhealthy, but because constantly performing can leave very little room for simply being.

And perhaps that is where self-awareness matters.

Where can you take the mask off?

Maybe it's at home, with one particular friend, with your partner, in therapy, or maybe sitting alone in your car for ten minutes before walking through the front door. Maybe it's when writing in your journal.

We all need somewhere we can take off the mask safely;

Somewhere we don't have to perform happiness or prove competence.

Somewhere we don't have to look perfect, somewhere we can admit: "Actually, today was hard."

Somewhere we are allowed to exist without wondering how we are being perceived.

And perhaps, most importantly, we need to be able to do that with ourselves.

So today, I would ask:

What mask are you wearing?

What does it protect?

What does it help you navigate?

What does it cost you to keep wearing it?

Because we all wear masks.

Perhaps Mental wellness isn't about taking every mask off.

Perhaps it's about knowing which ones we are wearing, understanding why we put them on, recognising when they no longer serve us, and having somewhere in our lives where we feel safe enough not to need one.

If this resonated with you, I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments. What is one mask you have realised you wear?

For more conversations about mental wellness, self-awareness and navigating everyday life, subscribe to LifestylebyChi and join me as we continue exploring what it means to live well mentally, emotionally and intentionally.

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